Jesus took with him Peter and James and his brother John and led them up a high mountain, by themselves. Matthew 17:1

Get Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for ministry. 2 Timothy 4:11

In the early nineties on a large game preserve in South Africa, the rangers began to notice that white rhinoceroses were being killed by much larger animals. Turns out the killers were adolescent bull elephants. These elephants had been orphaned and were left on the reserve to fend for themselves.

In the wild, the males herd together, and the older and much larger bulls keep the younger bulls in check. Without the older bulls to model adult elephant behavior and the gravitas to challenge the younger bulls—they were doing great damage. The rangers introduced old bulls into the Park and the violence stopped.

You may not be doing great damage, but there is something to be said about getting close to a life-giving friend—a seasoned believer, a non-anxious presence, a scarred old bull.

We all need someone to shepherd our souls. Every pilgrim needs a guide.

There is a difference between a friend you play racquetball with and a soul friend. A soul friend is an intimate, life-giving companion who helps you pay attention to God.

A soul friend will say to you, “How is God speaking to you in this? How does God want to be at work in your life through this? And how are you responding to him?” They help you pay attention to God.

How do you go about finding a sacred companion, a soul friend?

John O’Donohue reminds us,

Stay clear of those vexed in spirit.
Learn to linger around someone of ease
Who feels they have all the time in the world.

When you find a possible safe person, you might begin by disclosing some area of struggle, not the deepest one in your life, but a significant one.

Here are some questions to reflect upon as you consider a soul friend:

Is there a level of empathy? Is there an internal slowness in their life? Do they give unsolicited advice? Do they listen well? Are they a non-anxious presence? Are they wise and discerning in their response? Is there a judgmental spirit attached to them? Do they honor confidentiality? Are they curious more than confident of their own opinions? Do you feel pressure when you are with them? Are they comfortable with silence when they are with you? Are you comfortable with silence when you are with them?

Are they a person who leads with truth and follows up with grace or are they someone who leads with grace and follows up with truth? (the order is important. See John 1:14)

I’m not sure that anyone can have a shepherd for their soul and be called poor. I’m not sure that anybody could lack having a friend for their soul and be called rich.

Old bulls walking with young bulls. Because every pilgrim needs a guide.

That’s me on the left.