How well do you really know yourself? All of us have blind spots in our self-awareness. If we are ever going to grow and change as followers of Jesus, then we must grow in our understanding of ourselves.

Listen to a few of the best thinkers in our faith:

“Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee.” – Augustine

“Nearly the whole of sacred doctrine consists in these two parts: knowledge of God and of ourselves.” – John Calvin

I recently traced the encounters the Apostle Peter had with Jesus, and I can tell you that the Peter who made the great confession, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” (Matthew 16:16) would have never dreamed he would deny Jesus when Jesus needed him most. And yet that is exactly what he did.

Peter had a blind spot in his self-awareness that needed to be discovered.

Many of us have followed Jesus for a lot longer than three years like Peter did and yet I wonder if we have deepened our understanding of ourselves. Though we glibly talk about a personal relationship with God, many of us know God less well than we know our casual acquaintances. We have settled for knowing about God. Too easily our actual relationship with God is remarkably superficial. It’s no wonder we don’t know ourselves very well.

When I was a teenager, I was wild. I lived for my own self-interests—very sinful. Through the influence of my parents, the prayers of a deacon named Clint Spearman, and getting into a car accident with a Denver police officer when he was responding with his lights and sirens on, I re-aligned my life with God and repented of my sins.

Learning on Uncompahgre Peak

In the summer of 1979, I was a summer intern for the Colorado Baptist General Convention and worked with the backpacking program my dad started called R.A.A.T. patrol. Those letters stood for Royal Ambassador Adventure Trips. Royal Ambassadors were sort of a Baptist Boy Scout program. The name was later changed to Recreational Alpine Adventure Trips.

The summer I was an intern in this program the training process was that I went on an eleven-day backpacking expedition in the San Juan Mountains with Christian High Adventure. It was a faith-based Outward Bound type program. I was probably 22 years old at the time.

On the seventh day, we were to go on a solo trip for 24 hours and spend it in silence and solitude with the Lord. I was not looking forward to this. I did not want to be alone. But that day spent above timberline, all my sins that I had asked God to forgive came flooding back into my memory. I got very emotional. I remember crying out to God in a rather angry voice, that I thought I had asked him for forgiveness. Why were these images, memories, and guilty feelings coming to the surface of my mind?

After my sobs subsided, I wrote in my journal, “Joe, you have received forgiveness from everyone.” Then I listed out everyone who had said they had forgiven me and that included family, friends, church, and God.

“Well, then why do I still feel so dirty, guilty, and lonely?” I wondered.

And it was as if the Holy Spirit said, “There is one person who has never given you any grace and his name is Joe Chambers.”

That started to open the floodgates of tears again.

I offered myself the grace that everyone had given me. I dared to believe what those who loved me were saying about me. I gave myself the gospel.

But that younger Joe knew himself as a sinner and God as a forgiver.

Learning at Sand Creek

As most of you know, last August I went on Sabbatical for a month. The first part of my sabbatical was spent backpacking. I decided to go to the Sangre de Cristos, a place that was very special to me and my family growing up. I first backpacked there over fifty years ago.

I climbed over Music Pass and dropped down into the beautiful Sand Creek valley.

On day 6 of being alone in the wilderness, with Tijeras Peak jutting into the deep blue sky like giant praying hands and the green valley stretching before me with the tawny summer grass waist-high waving in the breeze like Kansas wheatfields—I read a passage of Scripture that took my breath away.

 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends. John 15:13-14

All I could see in those verses is that Jesus was calling me friend. Over and over and over again, I kept hearing him call me friend.

I thought of Abraham who is called the friend of God. I thought of Moses where it is said that God spoke to him face-to-face as a man speaks to a friend. Me? Friend? I’m just a fat old man. A regular guy. But then so was James, Bartholomew, and Nathaniel.

And Peter.

I learned that the Pharisees were right in their harsh accusation about Jesus, He WAS a friend of sinners. I am someone Jesus wants to hang out with.

I thought of what might be carved on my tombstone, Joe and Jesus—friends.

There is a difference between relating to Jesus as a forgiver and relating to him as a friend.

I invite you to reflect on your life in such a way that you listen to a quiet voice that would teach you something about yourself so that you can learn something about God. How can you trust that inner voice of self-revelation? It will always be a voice of love drawing you closer to the Father’s heart.