“I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” – Alan Greenspan

I saw an interview where the reporter asked a celebrity what life was like as a musician. The interviewee was indignant. Said, “I don’t do magic tricks. What kind of interview is this? What are you implying with that question? I play music; that is what I do.” The reporter sat stunned but then said, “Yes, I understand. You play music. So, how is life as a musician?” The interviewee got angry and started taking their microphone off to leave the interview. “I am not going to sit here and be insulted like this. I told you I am not a musician. I don’t do magic. I play music.”

Sometimes, people seem to work hard to try to misunderstand you. When you’re misunderstood, you have no defense. And no matter how hard you try to correct the misunderstanding, it usually worsens. You go fully loaded, ready to “set them straight,” and all you do is dig yourself deeper! The harder you work, the worse it gets, and the deeper it hurts.

Recently, Lynette and I visited another country to lead a soul-care retreat. We had a wonderful time visiting with fellow pilgrims and sharing what it means to live a contemplative life. At one point, we visited a halfway house where this NGO was trying to give recovering addicts a job on a chicken farm to help them get back on their feet and back into society.

We met a local man who wanted to tell us his story of recovery. He spoke the native language, and we had an interpreter. It was wonderful to hear his story of sobriety and how God had rescued him from the streets.

We went to church with our friends and didn’t understand a single word of the music except the melody of a couple of the songs. The preacher got up to preach in his native tongue. He had another man stand beside him and interpret his preaching into Russian. We had a young lady sitting next to us who interpreted the Russian into English.

So, imagine this: a preacher interpreted the Bible in a sermon. A man interpreted the sermon into Russian. A young lady interpreted the Russian interpretation into English. Then Lynette and I had to process and interpret what our American friend said in English.

Was anything lost in translation? No doubt there was.

We started with a generous heart for our recovering friend, who told us his story and the sermon that was preached in a foreign language. That goodwill went a long way in smoothing over what might have been lost in translation. However, the interview with the person who played music but was not a musician had filters up before the conversation began, which caused her not to understand the question, and the misunderstanding escalated from there.

And that relationship didn’t recover.

Being misunderstood is one of the most frustrating aspects of being a pastor, both in the pulpit and in the everyday conversation of church life. I find comfort in the fact that Jesus was misunderstood as well.

“You remember these things I did, but you still don’t understand?” Mark 8:21

Naturally, misunderstandings happen all the time. We might ask clarifying questions or ask someone to say something differently. We work hard at trying to understand not just the words but the intent of the words. But there are times when my woundedness might interfere with my hearing. Haven’t you had a headache or other ailment and misunderstood what your friend or spouse said?

Personally, my hearing goes dim when I don’t feel well or when I am hAngry. But more seriously, sometimes, my ability to understand someone is impeded by my soul’s woundedness. Unresolved trauma can impact my ability to fully understand what another person says or does. I need to be very aware that I might have a hearing problem that comes from my soul.

But the question I am wrestling with is, what do I do when I am misunderstood? When every gesture towards someone is wrongly interpreted.

What to Do?

The Psalms have been a balm for my soul for many years. I read them every day, every month, and every year. Here are some helpful words that I found recently during a difficult time of conflict.

Be Honest with God About How I Feel.

Give ear to my prayer, O God;
    do not hide yourself from my supplication.
Attend to me and answer me;
    I am troubled in my complaint.
I am distraught by the noise of the enemy,
    because of the clamor of the wicked.
For they bring trouble upon me,
    and in anger they bear a grudge against me. Psalm 55v1-3

This poet speaks to God about what he is feeling deep inside. He cries out to God about what others are saying about him. I love the line, “I am distraught by the noise of the enemy.” Haven’t you been distraught by the noise others might be saying or thinking about you? I certainly have.

Speaking to God about what is in your heart rather than what ought to be in your heart is very healing for your soul.

Give the Situation to the Lord.

Cast your burden on the Lord,
    and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
    the righteous to be moved.

But you, O God, will cast them down
    into the lowest pit;
the bloodthirsty and treacherous
    shall not live out half their days.
But I will trust in you. Psalm 55v22-23

I don’t know how often I’ve just had to give a situation to the Lord. When you think about it, what else will you do with it?

Large-hearted people are more curious than critical. (Lord, help me.)

It is impossible to lead, pastor, or parent without being misunderstood. Sometimes, it happens in funny ways (Are you a musician?). Sometimes, it happens in different cultures (Lost in translation). And sometimes, it comes from a wound (I can’t understand you when I am hangry).

But it inevitably happens.

It is important not to react during times of misunderstanding but, first and foremost, to take it to the Lord, who knows what it feels like to be misunderstood. Let him deal with it.

It’s what he does.