Joe and Lynette’s eHarmony Epic Failure

In spite of ourselves
We’ll end up a’sittin’ on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we’re the big door prize
We’re gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won’t be nothin’ but big old hearts
Dancin’ in our eyes. — John Prine

Lynette and I tease each other that if we took that online match-making test, the results would tell us to run away from each other as fast as we can.

Nearly four decades ago Nette and I started dating as she graduated from Oklahoma Baptist University in Shawnee, Oklahoma and I was pouring concrete and building storm shelters….and we could not have been any more different.

Here is an excerpt from a talk on marriage we gave a few years ago:

Joe: She listened to pop 40 music like Bread, The Carpenters, and America.

Lynette:  He used to listen to twangy country music like Conway Twitty, Elvis and the Oak Ridge Boys.

Joe: She was Miss Preppy.  She looked like the poster child of perfect Southern Baptist deacon’s daughter who will be an elementary school teacher. Tied her sweater around her shoulders.  Said her prayers before her meals.

Lynette: Joe wore starched wrangler jeans, cowboy boots and a Stetson.  (Joe drove a 1963 burgundy Oldsmobile he named “Ol Blue.” Who names their car a color?)  He also drove a big motor cycle, wore sleeveless shirts and wore his hat backwards.  He looked like a biker.  Chewed tobacco and lived in mobile home behind the skating rink.

Joe: She always went to class.  Never got in trouble in school.  Academically, she made the Dean’s List and the President’s list.

Lynette: Joe read a lot but had dropped out of college because he never went to class and tended to argue with the professors.  He was a prankster in college…he was on the Dean’s list but for delinquent reasons and was always on probation.

Joe: She liked cats.

Lynette:  On our first date he told me a story he calls “Operation Kitty Hawk” about a secret mission in which he and his brother-in-law created a parachute out of a beach towel for his sister’s cat that they would throw out of the brother-in-law’s airplane.  He told me this story on our first date!

Joe:  She grew up in the suburbs of Denver and was a city girl.  When her family went camping in always had sign that said KOA at the gate.

Lynette: Joe grew up in the mountains 9 miles from a town of 500 people.  When Joe went camping with his family there was a sign at the trail head that said, “Wilderness Area: Enter at your own risk.”

Joe: One of us is a Night owl.
Lynette: One of us falls asleep in his chair at 9:00
Lynette: One of us is daring, impulsive and careless.
Joe: One of us would rather their legs grow together than try something new.
Lynette: One of us talks even when he has nothing to say and then takes notes on himself.
Joe: One of us is the queen of rule keepers and would turn herself in to the authorities if she accidentally removed the tag on the bottom of the mattress.
Lynette: One of us spends money like there was no tomorrow.
Joe: One of us likes to cuddle.
Lynette: One of us likes to NOT cuddle.
Joe: One of us is on time, while the other will be late for her own funeral.
Lynette: One of us is neat
Joe: One of us has a tattoo.
Lynette: One of us likes conflict, looks for conflict, creates conflict…
Joe: One of us avoids conflict at all costs.

Joe: Her favorite movie is An Affair to Remember; a sappy movie about Cary Grant and Debra Kerr who are engaged with someone else but who fall in love with each other, then they are to meet at the top of the Empire State building but she is hit by a car and paralyzed.  Doesn’t make the lovers rendezvous.  He eventually finds her and loves her anyway and they live happily ever after.

Lynette: His favorite movie is Slingblade, a movie about a mentally disturbed man who had hacked his mother to death when he caught her cheating, spent 25 years in a nervous hospital, gets out makes friends with a little boy and eventually hacks abusive Dwight Yoakum character to death with a lawnmower blade and has to go back to the mental hospital.

Lynette:  “I knew I was marrying Mr. Right but I didn’t know his first name was Always.”

Joe: Are you saying that I am an idiot?

Lynette: Some things go without saying.

Lynette and I fought for years over these seemingly silly differences…now we laugh at them and even make allowance for them to the degree that part of our affection for one another is found in our profound differences.

Here is the secret:

 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” – Saint Paul

About Joe Chambers

I am the beloved of the Most High God. I am an avid reader and writer and have been a continuous learner since my college studies in Ancient Literature and English. I live at the base of Mount Princeton in the Colorado Rockies with my wife of over three decades. I believe I have been put here to tell people that God is not mad at them and to show them the way Home. I am the father of three sons, three beautiful daughters-in-law and four grandchildren. I love to read, tell stories, and spend time in the wilderness.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Joe and Lynette’s eHarmony Epic Failure

  1. Bob says:

    Hi Joe
    I will call this one “love story” thank you for putting it out there for us. It’s truly the
    Pictures of Ephesians five.
    Happy Anniversary.

  2. That about sums it up. Sometimes it has been painful to watch but it has turned out to be a lesson in everlasting love to all of us. I’m proud of you two and I hope you have many more years together.

  3. Eric Douglas says:

    Awesome, thank you Joe.

  4. Dave says:

    Joe that was so funny! Thank you both for being so wonderful

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s