The Friend Nobody Wants

Although (Jesus) was a Son, he learned obedience through what he suffered. Hebrews 5:8

Pain removes the veil; it plants the flag of truth within the fortress of a rebel soul. – C.S. Lewis

My wife says I have more worthless information in my head than anyone she knows.  I had a friend tell me one time, “Joe, you read so much to cover for the fact that you don’t know anything.” Here is something that I know, and I didn’t read it in a book.

Pain is the best and only way some people learn anything of deep soul-value.

Abraham learned something about faith when God commanded him to sacrifice Isaac. Isaac learned something about trust on the three-day walk up Moriah. Jacob learned about the transcendence of God at a river called Jabok, and he limped the rest of his life because of it. David learned about forgiveness through the sin of adultery. John the Baptist learned about humility being thrown into prison. Paul learned about the sufficiency of God’s grace through a thorn in his flesh.

In Daniel chapter three some faithful servants of the Most High God learned that sometimes God doesn’t deliver us from a fiery furnace but he always meets us in the furnace.

And if it is true of those bright lights in the Christian firmament, it is certainly true for a dim wit like me. I learn best through the pain of my life. Don’t get into a pasture of angry rams, they will charge a five-year-old boy. Don’t dangle your leg in front of an open flame gas stove with flammable flannel pajamas, your leg will catch on fire. Don’t swing out on a tailgate chain standing on the back bumper of a pickup going thirty-five miles an hour, the chain will break and you will go sprawling and spinning like a rag doll on a dirt road.

Don’t date the school bully’s girlfriend, he will come after you. Don’t fail to show up for a court date even if it is a traffic violation, they will issue a bench warrant for your arrest.

Don’t go cross-country skiing wearing cotton socks, you will get frost bite and lose the end of your toe. Don’t cheat on a test, you will get caught and tossed out of class. Don’t quit making payments, they will come and repossess your truck.

Most of those lessons are really silly.

But I can tell you the deepest lessons I have ever learned have come on the business end of pain.

I learned how to live one day at time only after I nearly lost my family due to my selfishness. I learned that the path to intimacy is through humility and service to my wife only after almost losing the love of my life. I learned that I am a favored son of the living God and that is all I need for an identity, only after I lost my reputation in this world. I learned to be content in whatever state I’m in, only after I lost my career.

Pain has taught me my deepest and best lessons about what it means to be a man.

And yet—I avoid it these days at all costs. I eat ibuprofen like they were candy. I worship idols of comfort as if there were no God in heaven.  I avoid conflict because I want to be liked. I watch reality T.V. so that I won’t have to live in reality.

So, God comes along and splashes a little pain in my life. Like relational failures. Like professional set-backs. Like the creaks and groans of old age. Like a son who doesn’t support or enjoy the very thing I have spent my life trying to build. Like breaking my leg doing the thing I love doing more than just about anything—backpacking.

If you are feeling pain in your life right now would you hear a word from a veteran pain-warrior?  Listen to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit and see if there might be a lesson in your pain. The lesson might be as simple as don’t text while you drive. Or it might be as deep as don’t use your vocation to validate your existence.  But you won’t know if you don’t listen.

And listening to a friend is always the sign of a humble soul.

About Joe Chambers

I am the beloved of the Most High God. I am an avid reader and writer and have been a continuous learner since my college studies in Ancient Literature and English. I live at the base of Mount Princeton in the Colorado Rockies with my wife of over three decades. I believe I have been put here to tell people that God is not mad at them and to show them the way Home. I am the father of three sons, three beautiful daughters-in-law and four grandchildren. I love to read, tell stories, and spend time in the wilderness.
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2 Responses to The Friend Nobody Wants

  1. debrapedrow says:

    Thank you for reminding us God is always teaching us lessons.

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